How Long Have You Been Angry?
Here’s the truth: Bitterness and anger is one and the same thing. But Bitterness is anger past its expiry date.
Let me illustrate.
I love spaghetti.
Served hot, it’s wonderful.
But left on the kitchen counter for a whole day, it may still be good but be careful.
After two days, you may get an upset stomach.
After one week, there’ll be more germs than spaghetti. At that point, the plate of spaghetti has become poison
Just like anger.
If anger stays too long in your heart, your anger no longer heals but kills. When anger turns into bitterness, it’s poison.
The Bible says, “the sun must not go down in your anger.”
I believe it. Except perhaps for severe wounds (like abuse, adultery, betrayal, etc.), I feel Stage One should not last for more than a day. I’m talking about the regular hurts we encounter everyday. Before nightfall, move onto Stage two.
But deeper wounds may need weeks or even months of anger and grief. For deeper wounds, I believe there’s no clear divide between Stage One and Two. There’ll be an overlap. But your movement must be towards Stage Two.
Because that’s where the real magic happens.
Stage Two: Release Anger
In Stage Two, you decide to forgive. Key word: Decide.
It’s not about feeling, but about willing. The feelings of anger can linger (that’s normal) but the decision has already been made in your heart.
Remember, Love is a decision, not just a feeling. If forgiveness is love, then forgiveness is a decision too.
But here’s a very important footnote: Forgiveness isn’t necessarily bringing back the relationship to where it was before. If you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, what should you do? Forgive him! But that doesn’t mean you have to get back with him again. That’s all up to you.
Let’s say you caught your boyfriend cheating on you twice. What should you do? Again, you have to forgive him. Now, do you get back into his arms? If you’re a psychotic with sadomasochistic tendencies, go ahead. Your desires will be granted.
Forgiveness is also not opening up yourself to more hurt. For example, if your alcoholic husband beat you up, you still need to forgive him; But do you go back into the house? No way. You run away and never see him until he gets counselling and stops drinking for 6 months.
